A reporter once asked me to describe five ways that someone can tell that their love interest is taking them more seriously. That is, the feelings of their romantic partner were deepening and a sense of commitment was taking root. 

I thought that was a pretty good question. But for an answer to have wide applicability it would need to focus on general principles, not specific behaviors. 

After all, the precise form that a growing love interest takes depends on many things such as age, geography, culture, etc. For example, in young teens a growing interest in the relationship might be expressed by having that special someone drop by the house to meet parents. But for those in the ‘seasoned citizen’ category a similar sentiment might be conveyed by sharing the last dollop of ointment from their jar of Ben Gay.  

So, after giving this some thought, I provided the following principles. I don’t claim that they are unique or exhaustive. These are simply helpful signposts that can alert you as to whether an intimate relationship, still in its early stages, is progressing.

One   Your love interest has begun to disclose more about his/her vulnerabilities.  

This sort of behavior is often quite telling. Why you ask? Because expressing vulnerability reflects a sense of trust, and trust is a crucial element that needs to be present for emotional intimacy to grow. 

Admittedly, when disclosures are taken too far it can be a bad thing. A sign that someone is not good with setting boundaries. But in general the gradual disclosure of more personal details of someone’s secret dreams, fears, or history is a good sign.

Two   Your partner begins to more frequently place his or her needs second to your needs.  

You’ll notice when this happens. These sort of actions stand out and make an impression. We are not talking about someone who had a hankering for pepperoni pizza but agrees to get one covered in sausage. Any self-respecting person who wishes to win over their date will do that sort of thing.

I’m referring to more substantive sacrifices.  

For example, think of the romantic rogue who agrees to spend Thanksgiving with your truly annoying, heart attack inducing aunt and uncle because it means so much to you, and in the process foregoes an invitation to enjoy a holiday meal cooked by Martha Stewart in her Vermont estate (sans prison garb).

That is the sort of signal that unmistakably shows a growing interest in the relationship. 

Three   When your partner begins to discuss what the future might look like in two, five, or ten years from the present and you are included in that picture.  

This one is a soft pitch over the center of the plate. Low hanging fruit so to speak. He or she is telegraphing a deep-rooted hope that things work out. (On the hand, if your partner frequently discusses the future and fails to mention your presence… that’s a clue you might want to have a little heart-to-heart chat). 

Four   Your love interest begins to turn to you more frequently for support about important decisions and other heart-felt matters.  

This shows that he, or she, views you as someone who can be counted upon to be understanding and affirming – an essential quality people look for in their most meaningful relationships.  

Pro Tip for guys…. If she comes to you concerned about something, it doesn’t mean she wants you to provide solutions. If she wants advice she will let you know. Or, more likely, she will ask a girlfriend or her mother. Trust me on this one. Save advice for moments when it is explicitly requested, and at other times simply be supportive. You’ll thank me.

Five    Interest is expressed in those things that captivate your attention but leave your boyfriend/girlfriend yawning. In fact, they are so uninterested in this passion of yours that they would rather be raking the neighbor’s shag carpet.

But no, instead your love interest is making a determined effort to make you happy by sharing in your exceptionally boring agenda. (Don’t feel bad, we all have interests that others find coma inducing). 

To be very clear, I am not referring here to the polite conversation that takes place during the initial first few dates where both parties feign interest in what the other is saying. “Oh, really, you have an ant farm? That’s fascinating. Do you name all of the ants? Oh, you do? That’s very sweet of you.”  

What I am referring to is the more substantive overtures that require your partner to put in real effort or time to become involved in those things that interest you but are thoroughly boring to him or her.

For example, let’s say your partner agrees to go to a Captain and Tennille concert (yes, “Muskrat Love” is still a thing for some people). She has no real interest in this band and has managed to never flip through the ‘Ultimate Collector’s Photo Album’ of this pop culture duet you left strategically placed on the coffee table.

Even so, she agrees to go to the concert in order to share the experience with you.

That, my friend, is true love. It is suggestive of a mindset that says, “If it is important to the person I love, then I want to be able to share some of that experience.”

This decision on her part reflects a mature and generous attitude. It reflects an appreciation for the differences you have, and the ability to use these points of departure to draw you closer together. (You, on the other hand, should really expand your interest in music).

Conclusion

There you have it. Five easy to identify signs that your love interest has a growing desire to deepen the relationship. As an added bonus, you should likewise consider whether you are demonstrating these sort of behaviors. If you are not, it may be an indication that you are not overly keen in developing the relationship, and taking it to the next level.

If that’s the case, it might be time to reconsider whether this is a relationship that you should continue to put time and energy into maintaining. Life is too short to settle for a romance that stays on a slow simmer. Perhaps you and your current partner are each better off finding someone who creates a spark that leads to a bonfire of interest.