Relationship Enhancement Therapy
Imagine the end of each workday is filled with anticipation of going home to enjoy time with your spouse. You know what to expect: sharing the day’s events, laughing at the absurdities that so often arise in life, providing support, and feeling appreciated in return.
These end-of-the-day moments you spend together are something you’ve worked hard to create. They do not happen by accident, but have been intentionally built over time. They now occur almost effortlessly, providing a daily sense of comfort and intimacy. A source of joy and stability in a chaotic world.
Or imagine that you are sitting with a friend, the conversation moving back and forth in an easy flow, sharing ‘inside jokes’ that make sense only within the tightly bonded friendship you have forged. On occasion you marvel that this person, who was a total stranger at one time, has become such an important part of your life.
Deeply rewarding relationships like those described above invariably make one’s life happier and more fulfilling. These relationships are marked by a sense of connectedness, affection, feelings of respect, and a clear enjoyment of each other’s company.
Research studies have consistently shown that older people, looking back on a long life, believe that their most important and cherished achievements are the close relationships they have built.
Many people, however, struggle to experience this type of relationship. Instead, they get stuck in repetitive patterns of conflict, betrayal, and discouragement. This may occur with spouses, friends, siblings, or children. Often, after having become frustrated with repeatedly experiencing the same negative outcomes, many men and women decide to give up.
They think to themselves “Why continue to struggle when the end result is always the same?”
What these men and women don’t realize is how simple it might be for them to turn things around. Sure, it would take work and effort, but the rewards make it more than worthwhile. And it doesn’t require a knowledge of rocket science to make it work.
What Is The Approach For Enhancing Relationships?
When I work with someone to help build more rewarding relationships, I find the best place to start is to ‘take a step back’ by reviewing past relationships. This uncovers where there have been successes, sticking points, strengths, and disappointments. It gives us a ‘big picture’ view of someone’s relationships and points out where our work should be focused in order to turn things around.
Equally important at the beginning of therapy is to get a clear idea of what a rewarding and close relationship would look like. Everyone has their own ideas in that regard and it’s important that they be highlighted because it gives us a target at which to aim.
Now that we have a starting point (the current state of relationships), and an endpoint (what is desired) all that remains is charting a path between these two points.
It would make life much simpler if the path between those points was the same for everyone, but of course that just isn’t the case. Everyone is different, and as a result the exact steps that each person takes to build more rewarding relationships are to some extent unique.
Even so, there are some common elements that nearly everyone shares as we pursue this work together. For example, most people decide it is vital that they learn how avoid forming relationships with toxic individuals. You may think this is obvious, but the fact is many folks are not good at setting boundaries. When that skill is missing it leaves the door wide open for a variety of unpleasant people to enter your life.
In addition, most of the men and women I work with become much better at objectively looking at their relationships. This requires a little practice, but once accomplished pays massive dividends. It allows someone to become their own relationship coach.
Another commonly occurring trend in this work is that confidence grows as progress continues to be made. Patients begin to feel more certain of themselves, both in having something valuable to offer and in their ability to ‘pick themselves up’ if they make a mistake. This growing confidence, in turn, pushes back on some of the anxiety they had previously felt about their relationships.
Not surprisingly, as patients become more confident in their ability to form satisfying relationships they become happier, and less critical of both themselves and others.
Could Relationship Enhancement Therapy Be Right For You?
Relationship Enhancement involves one-to-one meetings that take place every week. It is not couples counseling. By working one-on-one rather than in a couples format we are able to focus deeply on your specific strengths, concerns, and goals.
This is similar to a baseball pitcher who, despite needing to play as part of a team, nevertheless benefits from coaching to improve his individual performance. When this is successful, the pitcher plays much better as a part of the team, and everyone comes out ahead.
If you struggle with building close, rewarding relationships and would like to learn more about how relationship enhancement therapy might help, call me for a brief free consultation (916 790-5138).
