Written by: Jennifer Daffon, PsyD., LMHC
Does your teen experience worries that get stuck in her head and that she can’t stop thinking about? Do these thoughts come with physical symptoms such as restlessness, muscle tension, or a racing heart? Is your teen preoccupied with fears that lead to sleep problems, increased irritability, or cause disruptions to everyday life? If so, he may be suffering from anxiety.
According to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) (2021), approximately 7 percent of children between the ages of 3 and 17 years old have been diagnosed with anxiety. Unfortunately, these numbers have been increasing since 2003 (CDC, 2021).
Indeed, a study by Horowitz and Graf (2019) showed that teens between the ages of 13 and 17 experienced anxiety as a major issue and reported struggling with it frequently. This was true regardless of gender, race, or socioeconomic status. While research has shown that gender and income can mitigate stress to some degree , most teens still report feeling great pressure. The primary sources of this stress are academic performance demands, insecurity about physical appearance, pressure for social acceptance, and the demands of participating in numerous extracurricular activities (Horowitz & Graf, 2019).
Different Kinds of Anxiety
When teens express excessive or persistent worries or fears that are above and beyond what would be expected for their developmental age and stage, a diagnosis of an anxiety disorder may be warranted. Which diagnosis, however, depends on their specific symptoms.
There are five general types of anxiety:
1. Separation Anxiety: An excessive fear about being separated from home or an
attachment figure (parent, loved one).
2. Specific Phobia: Significant fear of a particular object or situation.
3. Social Anxiety: Significant fear about social situations and/or being judged by
others; performance anxiety falls under this category when the fear is specific to
public speaking or performing in public.
4. Panic Disorder: The persistent fear of having a panic attack after already
experiencing one.
5. Generalized Anxiety Disorder: Excessive worries about a variety of events,
activities, or situations. (You can read more about Generalized Anxiety Disorder
here.)
While we may all experience a bit of anxiety or worry in daily life, the marked difference between daily worries and a diagnosable disorder is the tendency for the worries to significantly disrupt daily functioning. For teens, this may result in school refusal, a surge of clingy behavior, increased irritability, or aggression. Somatic complaints can also accompany anxiety such as a racing heart, stomach aches or digestive issues, or witnessing your teen “freeze” when they are overwhelmed by an anxiety trigger. Adolescents who experience anxiety may also suffer social consequences such as missing out on spending time with friends or being socially excluded due to the anxious behaviors he or she may exhibit.
It’s important to note that some level of anxiety is helpful. It alerts us to danger in our environment. Trouble occurs, however, when that alarm unnecessarily gets stuck in the “on” position. These false alerts create a false sense of danger.
How Parents Can Help
Teaching your teen to pause before responding to his or her anxious thoughts can be helpful. This momentary pause allows for a shift in attention, changing the focus onto that which is calming rather than disturbing.
The less one focuses on anxious thoughts, the less power they hold. But what thoughts should one focus on? While it’s not enough to simply “think happy thoughts,” focusing on “more helpful” thoughts can indeed be effective.
The power of this tactic resides in finding a focus that contains thoughts that are both helpful and true. For example, “I did, after all, pass my last quiz with a good score, and I studied as best I could” (helpful and true) is more effective than saying to yourself, “I’m awesome at math” (helpful, but maybe not true).
A tricky pitfall for parents to avoid is trying to “save” their youngster from anxious distress. When it comes to coping with anxiety, “saving” your teen can inadvertently reinforce the fear. If a child avoids facing their anxiety triggers, then there is no opportunity to develop the skills needed for mastering these fears. Avoiding every dog that crosses your path, for example, doesn’t allow you the chance to meet a well-mannered dog, and provide you with an experience that is an exception to the “dog = danger” rule.
Parents can help their teens move past anxiety by reminding them, “You don’t feel safe, but you are safe” and giving them space to experience discomfort and coming out the other side of it. And fortunately, there are several additional interventions that can be very helpful. Many of these techniques are covert, meaning your teen can implement them in the moment without it being obvious to others.
· Mindful Noticing. Mindfulness is the exercise of being acutely aware/present in the moment and noticing one’s thoughts, feelings, and sensations without judgement. Practicing mindfulness can help shift one’s focus away from anxious thoughts and toward self-regulation. Try focusing on an object in the room/environment and giving it all your attention. Do this by describing (either saying out loud or in your mind) all the finer details of some object within your view. For example, is it heavy or light? Is it rough or smooth? Colors? Lettering? Does it have a smell? The more details you point out, the more your brain will focus on that object versus the anxious thought.
· Scattered Counting. More cognitively demanding than simply counting in order (1, 2, 3, 4…), randomly picking numbers (out loud or silently) requires more attention and cognitive energy (50, 13, 88, 2, 16…). Again, this shifts attention away from anxiety laden thoughts and onto the task of reciting random numbers which, although boring, do not trigger anxiety.
· “Silencio Bruno!” Last but not least is talking back to the worry. Recognizing an anxious thought for what it is—a false alarm—can help put things in perspective and gives one the chance to challenge the unhelpful thought(s). Disney’s 2021 film Luca delightfully demonstrates this skill. The character, Alberto, tells his friend Luca to quiet the doubt and nay-saying thoughts (Bruno) in his head by shouting, “Silence Bruno!”
The simple act of externalizing the anxiety by giving it a name can help make it feel more manageable. It becomes something outside of you—meaning anxiety isn’t something inherently part of who you are, and it doesn’t mean there is something “wrong” with you. Instead, it is a “thing” that tags along with you and is controllable.
A less theatrical method is identifying the anxious thought and pointing out that it isn’t necessarily true (“I’m having the worry that I won’t pass my math test… but it’s just my anxiety talking.”) and focus on the more helpful thought (“I know I studied as best I could”).
Conclusion
The coping methods described above can provide relief for anxiety that may arise in many forms. It often takes time, persistence, and patience to turn the tide and gain the upper hand against fears that have gained a foothold. But the effort is well worth what is gained: a life with less anxiety and a greater sense of confidence and freedom.
About the Author: Jennifer Daffon, PsyD., LMHC is the Clinic Director at Emotesy Child and Family Counseling Services in Washington state. She works with children and families using play-based and cognitive behavioral techniques.
References
Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. (2021, March 22). Anxiety and depression in children: Get the facts. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. https://www.cdc.gov/childrensmentalhealth/features/anxiety-depression-children.html
Horowitz, J. M., & Graf, N. (2019, February 20). Most US Teens see anxiety and depression as a major problem among their peers. Pew Research Center. https://www.pewresearch.org/social-trends/wp-content/uploads/sites/3/2019/02/Pew-Research-Center_Teens-Report_FINAL-1.pdf
Warren, A., & Casarosa, E. (2021, June 18). Luca [Motion picture]. USA: Walt Disney Pictures.
