“Money is not the most important thing in the world. Love is. Fortunately, I love money.”
The decision to get married opens up a new chapter in life. Most young married couples imagine a life going forward of uninterrupted bliss. That’s understandable.
The reality, however, of most married couples is different. Keeping their relationship healthy, close, and filled with more joy than tension takes them much more effort than they expected.
That’s because no matter how much you love someone you are bound to have disagreements. These lead to friction and stress. Over time this can create resentment.
The sort of feelings that may eventually lead to chronic unhappiness and divorce.
One of these sources of friction is money. More specifically, differences regarding what to do with money.
So let’s look at how you can safeguard your relationship against this type of conflict.
The Importance Of Talking About Money
There are three things you can do with your greenbacks: you can spend money, give it away (to friends, family, church and charity), or save it (this includes investments).
That’s pretty much it.
But where to put the priority among those three choices can lead to powerful disagreements. In fact, a 2018 survey by Ramsey Solutions found that disagreements about money was the second most common reason listed as a reason for divorce (just behind infidelity).
The simplest way reduce money conflict is by talking with one another about finances. Talking calmly, without blame, without raising your voice.
And do this before getting married!
Just an honest discussion of how each of you think money should be used.
Here is a small sample of money questions that would be helpful to discuss.
How much money should be saved each month? 10%? 20%? Less or more?
Is it OK if one of us buys something that costs over 50.00 dollars without telling the other? Yes? How about purchases of over 100.00 dollars? Over 500.00 dollars?
Should each of us have separate bank accounts? If so how do we divide monthly expenses (who pays for food, who makes car payments, etc.).
Should we have a monthly budget that is written out and one that we both stick to? (This would include money set aside for vacations, clothing, entertainment, food, utilities).
Is it important to put aside money each month to give to the church, and to other charities? If so what percentage of our monthly income should go to those expenses?
What If We Have Lots of Money? No Stress, Right?
The results of the survey mentioned above also showed that whether a couple has a lot of debt or little debt they tend to have a great deal of stress in their relationship if they do not talk about money. That is, they avoid speaking to one another about how to spend their money, how much to save, where to give it away for good causes.
On the other hand, about 90 percent of couples who said they had a great marriage also noted that they work as a team talking about their long-term money goals.
Separate Versus Joint Bank Accounts
Although some people will argue that either a separate or joint account works fine in marriage, there is a big advantage of having a joint account. By having a joint account, you are making a statement to one another that you are a team.
You are not two teams that only join forces when convenient. Instead you are fully in unison, working together to make your financial dreams come true.
You see, money is just one aspect of this teamwork. In order to be successful, every couple must constantly work on aligning different types of goals, demonstrating respect for what each finds important (whether that involves how to raise children, where to go on vacation, how your free time is spent).
When you are doing this by jointly controlling your money it strengthens your relationship. Just like a team that practices together and then wins a championship. They become closer because they have pulled together, sacrificed together, and achieved their goal.
But some may worry about whether they can trust their spouse with money. That is especially true if one person earns a great deal more than the other.
When those worries come up it is a good idea to write down the reasons you have to be concerned. Has the other person been dishonest? Have they shown poor judgement when spending money? Or does it boil down to you having had bad experiences in the past with people betraying your trust, and now you are worried about letting your guard down with anyone?
No matter the reason, if you don’t trust someone enough to share a bank account with them, ask yourself why you trust them enough to get married? Why do you trust them enough to give them your heart? Trust them enough to start a family together?
Conclusion
Whether you decide to have a joint account or keep separate banking accounts bear in mind the stress that money can create on a relationship. Then make a decision to talk with your spouse (or soon to be spouse) about money so that you can avoid much of this stress.
