Many people go through life with the primary goal of being happy. That’s understandable. After all, it would be weird to take aim at being unhappy, or worse, at being miserable.
The problem that comes up for many people, however, is not really having a good understanding of what makes them happy. You see, it turns out that very often what gives us immediate pleasure does not make us happy in the long run. What’s more, what creates long lasting happiness often starts out making us uncomfortable.
Think of it in terms of good health. Being fit and healthy makes people happy, and being out of shape and sickly makes people unhappy.
Getting fit, and staying healthy, takes some effort and self-discipline. Maybe not so much when you are very young, but by the time you are in your 30s it’s a new game.
When people first start to work out, lift weights, run, etc., they will often complain. “This is boring”, “I can’t stand running and getting out of breath”, these weights are heavy (ah, yeah, that’s the point).
But if they keep with it they will soon begin to enjoy working out, and will very much enjoy being in good shape. What’s more, they will be much happier than their friend who said “You go work out if you like, I’m going to live a happy life and sit on the couch, watch Netflix, and have another slice of pizza. BTW, would you grab me a beer on your way out?”).
The reason for their happiness? It’s because one’s behavior always has a payoff. Sooner or later there is an outcome related to what we did earlier. It can take minutes to get a pay out, or years, but there is always a payout.
The person who cheats on his wife because “You only live once and I want to be happy… besides, my wife will never find out” is fooling himself. His relationship suffers immediately because of the affair (he is splitting his emotional attachment between his wife and lover, and that always leads to less closeness). And when his wife eventually does discover the infidelity (90% of the time infidelity will be discovered eventually), he can count on an even bigger payoff… but not one he desires.
So here is the point. The behaviors that ultimately build the sort of happy life that is not easily washed away by day to day stress are those same behaviors that many people fail to engage in on a regular basis.
Why? For many reasons. Some people don’t recognize their importance. Others find it tedious to develop the discipline required to engage in healthy behaviors. For still others it is because they prefer immediate gratification rather than delayed fulfilment.
For many, however, it is the mistaken belief that real happiness is acquired by doing whatever gives them pleasure at the moment. That might be video games, alcohol, drugs, sex, binge watching movies, buying more ‘stuff’, and getting an oil change (OK, no one gets an oil change just for fun).
The thing to keep in mind is that if you focus the majority of your efforts at doing those things that give you immediate pleasure, you make it nearly impossible to build a deeply satisfying and happy life.
You can have pleasure and a happy life, you just can’t make the pursuit of pleasure a top priority and expect to end up happy. It would be like planning a road trip from California to Florida, but making it your top priority to stop at every ice cream parlor you can find along the way.
You may love ice cream, but focusing on that to the exclusion of your goal, getting to the Sunshine State, will result in huge delays and hardened arteries.
Same with your life. It is bigger than your current pleasures. If you put a priority on gratifying your immediate desires you will lose out on the joy that comes from living a bigger life and successfully reaching important goals.
Living big means embracing a disciplined life. If you fail to wear the harness of discipline you are choosing to live a much smaller life. Sure, seems paradoxical, but it is axiomatic. Sailors from yesteryear had a saying that sums this up well: “He who will be a slave to the compass will be a master of the seas.”
What To Do?
To live your happiest life you need to pursue meaningful aspirations, and devote a good portion of your talent, time and energies into realizing these ambitions. Additionally, the more your efforts end up helping others the happier you’ll be.
It’s a pretty simple path, although a very challenging one to pull off day after day. Like most things it takes some practice to become good at making this focus a lifetime habit.
But if you make a point of waking up each morning and taking aim at advancing just one important goal, even if you are able to only push it forward a small the smallest increment, you’ll see a difference over time. What’s more, your discipline will grow, and your perspective will begin to shift into one of greater confidence and optimism.
Continue doing this for another few months and you will have established a healthy habit, one that is difficult to break, and has the potential to change your life.
So what is there to wait for? Get after it today!
