All things being equal, there is about a one in four chance that you will experience severe depression at some point in your life.
That’s remarkably high risk. What is just as surprising is that only half of those who become depressed receive formal help.
Keep in mind, being sad for an extended period of time, or feeling ‘blue’ is very different from being depressed. The distinction is similar to having a cold versus struggling with debilitating pneumonia that puts you in bed with an oxygen tank.
Whereas the ‘blues’ is usually short-lived and not extreme, depression grows over time until it robs you of energy, instills a sense of constant fatigue, and robs you of joy. Even those things that you once were keenly interested in are boring (that’s called anhedonia).
Social interactions become less frequent and less enjoyable. In addition, most people with depression experience a profound state of ‘brain fog.’ It can feel impossible to focus and organize your thoughts (often due to extreme sleep disruptions), and there is a steady drumbeat of self-criticism that plays in the back of your mind.
Caught in this cyclone of depressive symptoms, you might conclude that there is nothing that can help. It is just a matter of “white knuckling” through until the whole thing resolves on its own.
That’s far from the truth. There are many effective ways to lessen the severity of depression and hasten its departure from your life.
These include various forms of psychotherapy in addition to medication – these are the most obvious ‘reset buttons’ for depression.
But what can someone do to help alleviate their depression if they do not wish to see a psychotherapist and they do not want to use medication?
Interested? If so perhaps this strikes a chord because you are struggling with depression, or someone you care about is fighting this battle right now.
It turns out there a many ways to lessen depression that do not require medication or psychotherapy. Don’t misunderstand, I encourage everyone who is depressed to seek out professional help.
But I am a realist. I know that many people will not turn to their doctor or a counselor. As I noted above, about 50% of people never ask for professional help.
I want to provide some suggestions that provide many people with relief (and yet, I still hope that if you are depressed, you will work with your doctor and/or a mental health professional).
What can someone do on their own when facing depression? The answer to this question contains a long list of strategies. Many of these are grounded in research. In this article, I am going to focus on just two of these lesser-known "resets".
But first, a word of caution. This is important. For the vast majority of people, depression can be resolved, but it takes time.
We want to shorten that time significantly. Being persistent and flexible in what you are willing to do makes all the difference in the world.
If something does not work in the first couple of weeks… keep going.
On the other hand, if you try something and after a month it still is not moving the needle, then it makes sense to drop it and replace that strategy with a different approach.
Now let’s look at two ways to begin to reverse depression.
Number One
Getting After The Little Things
Remember when I mentioned that depression has a tendency to break down your confidence and sense of hope. That stems from the overwhelming feeling of helplessness that so often arises with depression.
A lack of energy and diminished ability to focus, combined with this sense of helplessness, leads many people to ignore the small daily tasks that each of us needs to complete.
For instance, when you are depressed, personal hygiene is often neglected, mail goes unanswered, bills don’t get paid, and dishes pile up in the sink.
What is the impact of this? You end up feeling even worse.
To counter this tendency we need to find a way to build your confidence.
How can we do that? We start small. You begin by making your bed in the morning, responding to emails, taking a walk in the evening, making sure you are keeping up with personal hygiene habits and so forth.
I know, you think “That’s not going to do much.” But you would be surprised.
Most of us can relate to the following: think of a time when you have had the flu, a really bad case, and you’ve been in bed for days, too tired and sick to get up, have not showered, etc.
Then, you begin to feel a little better. Just enough to get out of bed, get a shower, brush your teeth, change into a fresh set of clothes. All of a sudden your mood improves.
It doesn’t improve to the point that you are doing cartwheels, but your mood definitely improves.
The same principle is at work here.
These small victories help restore a sense of competency, and ultimately, they lead you to take on bigger and bigger challenges.
It has a snowball effect. As you take on bigger challenges, your confidence continues to grow, thereby making even tougher tasks feel like something you can tackle.
When confidence begins to reappear so does optimism about your ability to create a brighter future.
Confidence and optimism are kryptonite to depression. When they walk through the door, depression begins to look for an exit.
I remember one patient I worked with who, prior to his depression, had been highly active and successful. When he was in the depths of depression, however, he found it difficult to even get out of bed.
We agreed that one of his first goals would be to get out of bed by 9:00AM (prior to the depression he was out of bed by 5:00 AM). A few weeks later he told me that this change was extremely beneficial. When I asked him what made it helpful, he said, “When I get out of bed, the first thing I do is make my bed. I would love to get back in and go to sleep, but I won’t do it because I’ve already made up the stupid thing and I refuse to do it all over again on the same day. That just feels like failure.”
Before long, he was taking on more challenges, things you and I take for granted but that he found tough to do…. Return phone calls, clean the house, get yard work done, etc.
Again, a snowball effect.
Number Two
Grace: Stop Beating Yourself Up
A common experience with depression is self-criticism. Not just slight criticism but frequent and brutal self-denigration.
Think about this for a moment. If you go through each day being the subject of ridicule and derision, how likely is it that you will begin to feel better?
We can agree that this is unlikely.
That’s just common sense, buttressed by research, and it’s true whether the criticism comes from yourself or someone else.
To provide yourself grace, I want you to take every criticism you begin to level at yourself and shift it a little bit. Rephrase what immediately comes to mind and start the sentence with the word “Perhaps.”
So instead of starting critical comment, as one of my patients would always do, with “You are such a stupid piece of …” you change it with “Perhaps you are not very smart about…”
Then I want you to end the criticism with “But then again, I might be wrong.”
Furthermore, I want you to spend ten minutes writing down from a third person perspective some incident that you continue to use as a cudgel to beat yourself. Remember, this is written as though you were just watching the event unfold, no judgmental commentary.
Then write down what you would say if the person in the event was not you but instead was your closest friend, or one of your children.
Lastly, make a note to yourself at the bottom of the page. The focus of this short note is on showing some grace. I’m not saying you should necessarily excuse what you did but simply show some compassion.
Let’s say you’re feeling awful about being too aggressive with a colleague, Archibald, who responded with great distress. Imagine that Archibald is a colleague you really like. Someone for which you have genuine fondness.
You can say to yourself, “I should not have shouted; that was wrong. I think, however, that anyone would have been upset given that Archie just cost us the contract we had worked on for over a year. Even so, I should have reigned myself in. I’ll apologize to him tomorrow.
Then end this reflection by writing what you learned, and how you will put that to use in the future.
SUMMARY
Those two ‘reset’ techniques can help you turn the tide on depression. It won’t happen overnight, but for many, it doesn’t take long before they start to feel better.
That’s what you want… to gain some traction in the right direction. Then, as you persist, and add another one or two more strategies to the mix… you feel even better.
Under the heading of my webpage is the phrase “Persist Overcome Thrive”… and that idea is important for you to embrace. You must keep pushing, you really must persist even though tempted to give up. By doing so, you’ll end up overcoming obstacles you thought were impossible to surmount and enjoy life more fully.
