Overthinking is a tendency that everyone struggles with at some point. But what if it happens frequently? What if it is something that occurs throughout the day, or sneaks up as you're going to bed and keeps you awake at night?
This sort of overthinking is better thought of as obsessive thinking, and it is not only annoying but can have harmful impacts such as reduced sleep and impaired sleep quality, reduced creativity and problem-solving ability, increased risk for depression and anxiety, ineffective problem-solving, and even poorer cardiovascular health.
For anyone caught up in extreme overthinking or ruminating, it feels maddening. Most folks do not intentionally engage in this process. Instead, they feel as though they are carried away on a stream of thought focusing on old fears, hurts, and embarrassments that play on an endless loop, but lead nowhere and solve nothing.
It’s a bit like being stuck in your own personal theater of the mind, repeatedly watching footage from your ‘worst of’ moments.
HOW DO YOU BREAK FREE FROM OVERTHINKING?
A good place to start is by realizing that overthinking is your subconscious's way of trying to keep you safe.
That probably sounds strange, so let me explain.
Overthinking, or obsessing, is an attempt to either alleviate some current emotional pain, or avoid getting hurt in the future. Your subconscious, in turn, activates a protective strategy that involves uncovering all possible aspects of how you were hurt in the past or might be hurt later on.
An example of this would be if you were obsessing about a past romantic breakup. Replaying it repeatedly in your mind is (in part) an attempt to uncover any hidden information, some subtle clues, that will put the breakup in a new light so that you can come to peace with that painful event and avoid it repeating with someone new.
But suppose the obsessive thoughts are about a current relationship, not one in the past. In this instance your ruminations are focused on your fear of the relationship suddenly ending. Perhaps because there was a heated argument, or your partner was unfaithful. In that case, your subconscious is pushing you to try and anticipate how the feared event might happen and devise ways to avoid the pain.
These examples illustrate the protective function that overthinking so often serves. It’s a problem-solving strategy that you did not intentionally set out to perform until it became a habit, but over time that is what it has become.
A deeply ingrained habit similar to biting one’s fingernails when nervous.
At first glance, it may seem like such a granular review would end up being helpful. After all, it leaves no stone unturned, so to speak. Wouldn’t you be better off having such a thorough understanding of what may cause you grief?
If that were all there was to it, the answer would be yes. But with obsessive thinking, it goes well beyond this point. No stone is left unturned and then the person goes back and looks at every stone once again…. And again…. And again.
There is no stopping point. No amount of effort results in a sense of closure, a feeling that you have learned all you can, and it is time to move on.
It’s analogous to you going away to college, and your parents have done all they could to prepare you. Then, when you arrive on campus and get to your dorm room, you're greeted by Mum and Pops: “Just thought you might need some help unpacking.” And they never leave!
They need to be reassured that you’ll be fine, that if you mess up you’ll recover, and then they need to be sent packing.
The same thing applies to overthinking.
There are a number of approaches for breaking free from obsessive thinking, and it would take much too long to include all the major ways this can be done. So I’m going to focus on the one approach that is most effective for most people.
Rumination Focused Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (RFCBT)
There are five steps to RFCBT, which should be addressed in the following order, as outlined below. Begin by taking a few days focused on the first two steps. Make notes, as this will help you remember what you discover during this training phase.
Then spend another few days on the third and fourth steps. Keep in mind you are breaking an old habit and building a new one. This takes time and persistence. You can do it, but give yourself grace if it does not come easily at first. It seldom does.
Then spend another few days or longer adding mindfulness practice to your routine. This will be the most difficult skill to acquire. A mindful response to overthinking is highlighted by non-judgmental curiosity, linked to a concerted effort to remain in the present. For example, imagine you are mowing the lawn and begin to think about a past time that you were let down by a family member. Your mind begins to go down the familiar rabbit hole of all the associated memories and hurts attached to this event. Respond by thinking “Isn’t it interesting that my subconscious has chosen this moment to bring up this old film reel. But I’m not forced to watch it, and can choose to entertain better ideas.” You then turn your attention to what you will plant in your garden for the Spring, or what you will make for dinner, or the warm shower and cup of coffee that you’ll enjoy once the yardwork is complete.
Below are the five steps.
1. Notice and Label Overthinking: I want you to begin by paying attention to when you get stuck replaying the same thoughts, and label it as "rumination" or "overthinking".
2. Understand Triggers and Patterns: Think about what sets off your overthinking—such as stress, fatigue, or specific situations/emotions. Keep a diary of what you find. Don’t make it difficult… if it is difficult you are less likely to write things down. EG of diary. Provide PDF?
3. Shift from Abstract to Concrete Thinking: Instead of asking “Why did this happen?” and dwelling on it, focus on “How can I move forward?” or “What is one small thing I can do?” PRO TIP: Because you are already prone to obsessing, it will be easy to obsess about the best way to take a small step forward. The solution is to come up with two or three possibilities, then give yourself 30 seconds to select one of them. Don’t get trapped!
4. Limit Rumination Time: Set a timer for worrying or reflecting. When time is up, redirect yourself to other activities. This step is often used as a standalone method to reduce obsessive thoughts. For some folks it works great, but my experience has been that for most it is not highly effective. If you try it and after a few days it is not working at all, drop it from your practice.
5. Practice Mindfulness: To do this you simply bring your attention back to the present through breathing exercises or focusing on your senses. Take a deep breath, slowly let it out. Now repeat. And one more time.
Make these diaphragmatic breaths. To understand this form of breathing, go to my blog on OCD and find the section on diaphragmatic breathing.
Next, pay attention to some object nearby and notice its color, shape, and so forth. What sounds do you hear? Take a moment to focus on this and identify their source, consistency, volume, etc.
Now notice what your sensation of touch is telling you. That could be the softness of a chair upon which you sit, the cool smooth texture of a desk, and so forth.
Research shows that it takes a couple of weeks of consistent practice before most people see results. The longer you continue, the better the results.
This makes sense. As I mentioned before, you are developing a new skill. A new habit. At the same time, you are breaking an old habit, and that does not happen overnight.
So count on practice—just the same as if you were learning a new athletic or musical skill.
All of this takes some time and effort.
But it’s worth it. Don’t stay shackled to obsessive thinking. Life is sweeter when you are free from it.
