In 2008 I deployed to Iraq with what the Army refers to as a ‘Combat Stress Control Unit.’ Once on the ground the unit dispersed to various bases providing psychological support to all branches of the military.
I was assigned to Joint Base Balad, formerly known as Camp Anaconda. Due to the high volume of mortar/rocket attacks the base sustained earlier in the war, it had been nicknamed Mortarittaville. Although these attacks continued during my deployment, their frequency had significantly diminished.
Our clinic was tasked with helping not only the military personnel who operated out of the base, but also those military men and women who were flown in from other parts of the theater due to psychological distress.
During this time, I worked with men and women suffering from a variety of stressors, including trauma.
Within this crucible of wartime experience, I gained valuable insights into trauma, one of which I share in the following stories. None of the names used are those of the soldiers with whom I worked, and the specifics of the incidents I describe have been changed to hide the person’s identity. Nevertheless, the stories reflect real experiences.
There are many lessons I could focus on, but for this article, I wish to limit our attention to just one of them. It serves such a pivotal role in trauma recovery and life more generally that it deserves this focus.
Tenacity Wedded To Courage
A Wounded Soldier
SGT Truebow had been seriously wounded during a patrol in 2003. Medevac’d out of theater and back to the US, it took him over a year to recover. During that time he was diagnosed with PTSD. Even so, he wished to get back into the fight and deploy back into theater.
Specifically, back to Iraq.
His command refused these requests. He persisted.
Command continued to refuse. Truebow continued to insist.
Command, eventually, grudgingly, relented. Truebow was relentless. On a mission, and he deployed once again.
With boots on the ground his PTSD symptoms immediately kicked into high gear. After a couple of months, his commander sent him back to the United States. He told the sergeant, “You’ve done your duty, you’ve done your best, and you’ve put everything on the line. Go home and help out with the rear detachment.”
Truebow was devastated. He returned home, tried to adjust, but found no peace. The sergeant resolved that this was not how his story would end.
Once again, he informed his command that he needed to deploy to Iraq, and after another lengthy back-and-forth, they relented once more.
He packed his duffle bags and gratefully hopped onto a flight that would take him to Iraq. Back to the theater of his worst nightmares and fears. He had no illusions about the trials that lay ahead.
The SGT came to see me shortly after this, his third deployment, had begun. He was beset with flashbacks, pitched anxiety, suspiciousness, trouble sleeping, and panic attacks.
Truebow was a battle-hardened much-admired soldier. A leader. He had faced much worse on the battlefield, but these symptoms had gotten the best of him. His commander, recognizing the struggle, offered to send him home. He refused (this time, he had a job on base, not in the field).
It was a long deployment, and every day was a challenge. Even so, Truebow performed his work with excellence. He never complained. There was no point. He was singularly focused on completing his deployment while doing his very best.
I asked the SGT what kept him in the fight. He looked down, then glancing up, eyes filled with tears, he said “My men. Those I led that day. Those that died. I owe it to them to complete this deployment.”
And that’s just what he did. It brought him a great sense of relief and fulfillment. He was better for having faced his demons and completing the mission.
Being Raped By A Fellow Soldier
Specialist Dunnigan was a standout soldier. She was on her third deployment in five years. Not because this frequent schedule of deployments was required, but rather because she loved her work. SPC Dunnigan was attached to a ‘Combat Camera’ unit. Her job was to be inserted with various units and photograph the soldiers as they went about their duties.
She had worked with the Army Corps of Engineers, transport companies, logistics operations, Stryker units, and even combat infantry operations.
She came to work with me after she was raped by a fellow soldier. He had followed the specialist into her living quarters, threatened her with a gun, and brutally raped her. In our first meeting, recounting the trauma, she slumped out of the chair and sat on the floor, arms wrapped around her knees, rocking back and forth, weeping “Why me, I’m not even pretty.”
She wished to stay in the theater, to continue her work and finish her deployment. It was not to be. The trauma, however, was too severe. After several months it became clear that she could not, at that time, perform as needed.
But she had reported the rape. Her command was cautious in responding. The soldier accused of the crime had a clean record and was well-liked. As happens too often, the other members of his unit (males and females) circled around in his defense.
Despite the pressure, SPC Dunnigan would not relent. She would not recant her accusation. No matter the stress she felt, no matter the trauma she was dealing with at the time, she would not back down.
When SPC Dunnigan returned home, she entered into therapy. She also had the good fortune of having her case assigned to a JAG officer who would have been a pit bull in another life. Charges were drawn up against the accused, and he was taken to a military court upon his return home.
I travelled back to the base where the trial was being held before a jury of his peers. My role was to testify to the truthfulness of SPC Dunnigan’s assertions. The accused (a reservist) was court-martialed, and because of this he also lost his civilian job and all accrued benefits.
SPC Dunnigan prevailed. Under great pressure, she had stood up for herself, faced the challenges that pursuing justice entailed, and won. Of course, this did not resolve her trauma, but it did help restore her sense of agency, of personal power, and dignity.
Conclusion
Courage and tenacity, by themselves, will not resolve trauma. But they are necessary qualities that must be mobilized in order not to be controlled by your trauma. They tap the brakes on the insidious side effects of trauma… the tendency to hold back, to become timid, and thereby lose that sense of your former self and to forget your larger purpose in life.
Just as importantly, when tenacity is wedded to courage, you’ll find yourself able to behave in ways that create a sense of fulfillment, restored competency, and a life well-lived.
