Life’s Hardships and Purpose
The comedian Woody Allen quipped “Life is full of misery, loneliness, and suffering – and it’s all over much too soon.”
He may be onto something. For example, research shows that half the world’s population will struggle with a serious mental health issue at some point (World Health Organization, 2022).
Loss, grief, illness, fears, betrayals, and more are woven into the fabric of every life, even those who never experience mental illness.
This brute fact of life led the dystopic philosopher Friedrich Nietzsche to conclude that “To live is to suffer” (Nietzsche, 1886/1974).
Yet, in the face of this bleak shadow, many people manage to carve out lives that are deeply meaningful, rich with friends, and woven through with moments of joy and personal triumph.
There is much to be learned from those that accomplish this feat. Although it would be easy to dismiss their success as a result of having won the genetic lottery and being blessed with a positive personality, research suggests otherwise (Lyubomirsky et al., 2005).
That’s not to say genetics are unimportant, but it is simply wrong to think they are determinative of whether you will be happy (Baltes et al., 1990). Among the many factors that influence your happiness, one that deserves special attention is how you face the times of inevitable pain that will pierce your life from time to time. If these are not resolved, their impact will build over time. Eventually, the weight of these cumulative hurts will take a toll, appearing in the form of despair, resentment, and perpetual sorrow (Brosschot, Gerin, & Thayer, 2006).
A Principle For Turning Pain Into A Source Of Growth
The pain that arises from loss, disappointment, setbacks, and more is significant. Some well-meaning souls recommend that by trying to minimize their importance, you can also minimize the pain.
That is seldom helpful. After all, most of the time these hurts are very real, and understandably cause you significant distress. What can be helpful, however, is to harness that pain to something that is meaningful. Use whatever heartache you have experienced to move yourself forward in some way.
An example will help clarify this idea. I recently watched a marathon and was able to cheer on the runners at the 16th mile as well as the finish line. The pain etched on each runner’s face at the 16-mile mark had become intensified by the end of the race.
A grueling event that tested not only the contestants’ conditioning but also their will.
Having crossed the finish line, however, a change quickly occurred. They were smiling. Many expressing a sense of exultation.
In one sense that reaction is odd. After all, out of the thousands of contestants there was only one winner. Why the widespread happiness?
The answer is that most of the runners were competing in order to accomplish a personal goal, which most often boiled down to simply completing the 26-mile event.
They had harnessed their pain with an important purpose. Enduring discomfort was harnessed to a reason, a goal, an endpoint signifying something of importance.
Although the pain was no less physically intense for having been attached to a goal, it became something they could more readily bear.
Examples of this interplay are easy to find. Although it is often seen in athletics, it just as easily can be found in the sacrifices parents make for their children; with entrepreneurial men and women who put their personal lives on hold for years in order to pursue success; and its appearance is widespread in the careers of military members, scientists, artists, and more (Duckworth, 2016).
How To Practically Apply This Principle
Let’s begin by acknowledging that applying this principle is not easy. Most often we will experience it as a struggle. But the rewards are great. And the alternative, of not making the effort, is to endure even greater suffering.
The thing to do when you next find yourself slogging through some pain-filled chapter in life is to step back and take stock. Ask yourself how this experience can help you grow in some important way. What insights into yourself or others may be gleaned? Is there a way in which the distress you are experiencing can be applied in your life so as to benefit others?
If you do this and apply the principle consistently, you’ll very likely find that life’s suffering is no less painful, but it is less destructive of your happiness. The reason being that your perspective will change. Setbacks and heartaches will no longer just be difficult times to weather and move beyond. Instead you will see them as the raw (even if unwelcome) material for building staircases that lead to a life of greater meaning and purpose.
An Example
Dan Gable is widely regarded as one of the most talented and successful college wrestlers to have ever walked onto the mat with a record of 181 wins and one loss.
The loss occurred during his final college match. Had he won, his record would have been flawless. Looking back on this setback, Gable reflected on the disappointment and concluded, “Then I got good” (Hurst, 2022). He intensified his training and went on to win the Gold Medal at the 1972 Munich Olympics without having any opponent score a single point against him – a feat that most thought impossible.
To truly understand what drove Gable, however, one needs to recognize that the struggles he experienced went well beyond athletic setbacks. Years before when he was a high school student, his older sister was murdered within the family home by a neighbor. Gable was devastated but eventually used his grief and rage to propel himself to become the greatest collegiate wrestler of his time. This, in turn, led him to a storied coaching career where he touched the lives of hundreds of athletes.
Perhaps most important is that these successes eventually allowed him to impact the lives of even more people through his speeches and his life example.
Gable harnessed the pain of setbacks and tragedy to grow and create something that transcended the pain he experienced. In this way, he exemplifies what the famous reporter, soldier, spy, and atheist-turned-Christian apologist Malcolm Muggeridge wrote about: “Learning from experience means, in practice, learning from suffering; the only schoolmaster. Everyone knows that this is so, even though they try to persuade themselves and their fellows otherwise” (Muggeridge, 1972).
Conclusion
Each life contains shattering moments of loss, grief, uncertainty, disappointment, and more. This is a given for all people.
The question is how can we face these heartaches and continue to live a life that is, overall, imbued with happiness and optimism for the future?
The task is daunting, and no single answer will be sufficient. But an important piece of the solution involves harnessing the pains of life to goals that give purpose to the heartaches that weigh you down. When practiced over time, you’ll find yourself growing stronger, and your happiness more resilient.
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References
Baltes, P. B., Reese, H. W., & Nesselroade, J. R. (1990). Life-span developmental psychology: Introduction to research methods. Psychology Press.
Brosschot, J. F., Gerin, W., & Thayer, J. F. (2006). The perseverative cognition hypothesis: A review of worry, prolonged stress-related physiological activation, and health. Journal of Psychosomatic Research, 60(2), 113-124. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.jpsychores.2005.06.074
Duckworth, A. (2016). Grit: The power of passion and perseverance. Scribner.
Hurst, L. (2022). Dan Gable: Lessons from a champion. Sports Illustrated.
Lyubomirsky, S., Sheldon, K. M., & Schkade, D. (2005). Pursuing happiness: The architecture of sustainable change. Review of General Psychology, 9(2), 111-131.
Muggeridge, M. (1972). The green stick. Collins.
Nietzsche, F. (1974). The gay science (W. Kaufmann, Trans.). Vintage. (Original work published 1886)
World Health Organization. (2022). Mental health: Strengthening our response. Geneva: WHO.
