Have you ‘lost that loving feeling’ with your mate? What began as a small sense of separation has grown into the gaping chasm that competes with the Grand Canyon?

If your marriage is like many, then that state of affairs is understandable. Among the thousand things competing for your attention each day your spouse is just one more on the list.

It’s not that you don’t care, you’ve just fallen into a routine. Both of you have slowly walked into a deep rut that seems to marginally work, but is not very satisfying.

Would you like to revitalize your marriage and begin to feel like you have something more than a roommate?

If your answer is yes, take heart and begin to do the simple things I describe below. It takes very little effort, but makes a world of difference.

In fact, research by John Gottman, the premiere marriage researcher in the world, has shown that these handful of small gestures, done regularly, result in happier, healthier and longer lasting marriages.

Show Admiration and Appreciation For Your Spouse

Each day (without fail) express your appreciation for your spouse. It needn’t be for something grand. The little things are important as well. From making dinner, picking up the dry cleaning, spending time with the children.

Compliment them for something. The world outside the four walls of your home is often a pretty damn nasty place. When do compliments flow your way?

Same with your spouse. But you can be the antidote.

Compliment their patience, their hard work, creativity, generosity, etc.

Find something. You married them because you thought they were special, so it cannot be too difficult to find something to compliment.

This takes less than a couple minutes a day.

Affection

A hug, a kiss, a tender touch. Not only is this appreciated, but it is a reminder that your relationship is different from all others (I’m assuming you are not kissing your co-workers).

Doing that which sets your relationship apart from others is important and these physical signs of affection play an important role in doing just that.

You may think “I’m not in the mood to provide affection.” OK, so what?

If you are not in the mood to go to the gym does that stop you? If you are not in the mood to go to work does that stop you?

You get the idea. A gesture of affection is tonic to the weary soul. Don’t be stingy. Provide some daily gestures of affection.

Goodbyes

When you leave in the morning take a minute to comment on the specifics of your spouse’s day. “Hope your meeting with that new account goes well” or “Good luck with your test today. I’m sure you’ll knock it out of the park.”

Don’t forget to add a hug or kiss to seal the deal.

This conveys to your spouse that you care about him or her and are interested in the specifics of their life. Heady stuff.

Reunions

When coming home take a minute to ask your spouse about his or her day. Then stop long enough to listen to the answer.

If you ask about the day, then stare at your phone, it’s clear you don’t care.

Buck up. Provide some undivided attention.

Then, having heard the answer, make a response. Something more than a grunt.

More like “That’s terrific, glad the meeting turned out well.”

If you really want to hit a grand slam have a follow up question. For example, “You were worried about what Bill would say, how did that turn out?”

This shows that you have a deeper understanding of the things that occupy your spouse’s work life.

Have A Weekly Date

Many couples with young children find this one difficult. It needn’t be. Even if you cannot get out of the house you can spend an hour or two alone after the kiddos are put to bed.

Let’s be clear. This does not mean watching Yellowstone together. That’s the adult equivalent of parallel play.

Instead, do something that causes you to interact with one another.

This might include making a meal, discussing future plans, enjoying a cup of coffee while catching up on the week.

To really take this to another level, play a game of questions that deepens your understanding of one another.

Conclusion

That’s it. All together this will take somewhere between three and six hours a week. That’s less time than most people spend each waiting in line for Starbucks and fast-food Monday through Sunday.

There are very few things in life where such a minimal investment in time and effort results in such big improvements in happiness (both for you, your spouse and your children… happy marriages make for happy children).

So, take the plunge. Give it a try.

Start today and enjoy the rewards of a happier marriage.