Get Me Some Grit (Not Grits)
Every child comes into the world carrying two sets of luggage. No, you can’t see the luggage, but every parent of young children will tell you it’s there all the same. In one set of luggage is a sense of determination, wonder, and a zest for exploration. Open the other set and you’ll find the opposite: a desire to be spoiled, a tendency to take things for granted, and an instinct to play it safe.
Over the course of a child’s first dozen years, they learn to depend more on one set or the other. Life experiences reinforce either more narcissism and fear—or more grit and curiosity.
Young children are naturally curious and determined. You see this when they’re learning to talk, feed themselves, or walk. Take walking, for example. Research shows toddlers fall an average of 17 times per hour during free play (Adolph et al., 2012). Over two weeks, that can add up to around 2,000 falls—2,000 failed attempts to master a skill.
But toddlers don’t quit. They just keep going. Determined little humans.
Now, fast-forward a few decades. How many adults would keep trying if they failed 2,000 times in two weeks?
See the problem?
Somewhere between toddlerhood and adulthood, most of us dial back our determination. Persistence drops off. We become complacent. “That will never work,” we tell ourselves. "I’ve tried—it’s hopeless."
So we settle. We lower our sights. We give up on dreams that once mattered.
But not everyone. Some people refuse to settle. Let’s look at a few of them.
Howard Schultz (Business) The former CEO of Starbucks came from a working-class family in Brooklyn. When trying to raise money to expand Starbucks from a local brand into a national chain, he was rejected by over 200 investors. But he persisted. Schultz believed Americans could be taught to appreciate high-end coffee experiences—and he was right. Today, Starbucks has over 30,000 locations worldwide.
Soichiro Honda (Engineering/Automotive) Founder of the Honda Motor Company, Honda faced rejection and failure from the start. He was turned down for an engineering job at Toyota, his factory was bombed during WWII, and then destroyed by an earthquake. Still, he kept rebuilding. Eventually, he designed a reliable motorbike—after many failed prototypes—and built one of the most successful automotive companies in the world.
Tom Brady (Sports) Drafted 199th overall. Not particularly athletic. Overlooked. And yet, he became one of the greatest quarterbacks in NFL history.
Thomas Edison (Inventor) Edison is best known for inventing the practical electric light bulb. But he’s just as famous for his perseverance. He was labeled "addled" by a teacher and pulled from school. When describing his thousands of failed attempts, he said, “I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work.”
The Takeaway: Grit is essential. It fuels success. And anyone can develop it. You don’t have to be born with it—you just have to train for it.
how to build mental toughness and fortitude
Here are five steps to help you cultivate grit in your life.
Step One: Revisit Past Victories
Write down a few meaningful victories from your past. Alongside each, note the obstacles you overcame. What did you have to push through? What effort was required?
Doing this reminds you of your own capacity for resilience. It builds your identity as someone who perseveres. And reviewing these stories now and then may also lift your mood—research shows that recalling moments of success can improve well-being.
Step Two: Use Mental Imagery
Mental rehearsal is a powerful tool. Olympic swimmer Michael Phelps used it to prepare for races—including visualizing how he would respond when things went wrong.
At the 2008 Beijing Olympics, his goggles filled with water mid-race. But because he’d mentally rehearsed that scenario, he didn’t panic. He relied on training, stayed focused, and won the gold.
This technique is backed by neuroscience. The concept is called functional equivalence—the idea that imagining an action activates many of the same brain regions as actually doing it (Guillot & Collet, 2008).
Bottom line: Recall the satisfaction you felt at that time and the benefits that may have followed from each achievement. Write each victory down on one side of a piece of paper. Next to each achievement, write down the obstacles that stood in the way.
Think about what was required of you to overcome these challenges, the effort and persistence that were needed. Now, scan back to the other side of the page and focus on the victory you won, the goal you reached. Good stuff, right?
You should keep this list, add to it as other memories come to mind, and review it from time to time. It is a part of your history of building a storehouse of tenacity.
Strengthening the neural connections between persistent effort and success.
What’s more, by spending time recalling these memories, you will very likely get the secondary benefit of improving your sense of happiness.
Step Three: Get Comfortable Being Uncomfortable
Growth requires discomfort. Period.
Author and former Navy SEAL Jocko Willink once told a story about sparring with the legendary jiu-jitsu master Rickson Gracie. Despite being bigger and younger, Jocko was dominated. Afterward, Gracie complimented him: “You are comfortable in uncomfortable positions.”
That’s a skill worth building.
You don’t need to go to extremes. Just start small:
• Take cold showers.
• Wake up earlier than you want.
• Push through one extra set at the gym.
• Tackle a task that intimidates you.
Each time, you’re training your nervous system to see discomfort as manageable—not threatening. This kind of exposure helps develop effortful control, a trait linked to long-term success and resilience (Duckworth & Gross, 2014).
Step Four: Break Goals into Bite-Sized Wins
Big goals are overwhelming. So chunk them.
Want to write a book? Focus on writing 300 words a day. Starting a business? Begin with one email, one phone call.
Each small win gives your brain a dopamine hit—a neurochemical reward that says, “Nice job, keep going.” This feedback loop boosts motivation.
Research from Teresa Amabile at Harvard shows that making progress in meaningful work—even small progress—is one of the most powerful motivators available (Amabile & Kramer, 2011).
Track your micro-wins. Celebrate them. That’s how grit grows: one step at a time.
Step Five: Remember Your Why
When you feel like quitting—and you will—it’s your why that keeps you going.
Your why is your emotional anchor. It’s your purpose. Maybe it’s your kids, your health, your values, or a dream you’ve carried for years.
Write it down. Say it out loud. Come back to it when the path gets hard.
The clearer your purpose, the more energy you’ll have to keep climbing.
Final Thoughts
Grit isn’t just for Navy SEALs or world-class athletes. It’s for anyone who refuses to quit.
Psychologist Angela Duckworth, who literally wrote the book on grit, says gritty people aren’t the smartest or the most talented—they’re the ones who sustain passion and effort over long periods (Duckworth, 2016).
You already have the raw ingredients. Now it’s time to train.
Start today. Pick one small thing you’ve been avoiding. Do it anyway. Then do it again tomorrow.
Grit isn’t built in giant leaps—it’s built in daily steps. And one day, when you cross a finish line others thought was impossible, you’ll know the truth:
You weren’t lucky. You were relentless.
References
Adolph, K. E., Cole, W. G., Komati, M., Garciaguirre, J. S., Badaly, D., Lingeman, J. M., Chan, G. L. Y., & Sotsky, R. B. (2012). How do you learn to walk? Thousands of steps and dozens of falls per day. Psychological Science, 23(11), 1387–1394. https://doi.org/10.1177/0956797612446346
Amabile, T. M., & Kramer, S. J. (2011). The Progress Principle: Using Small Wins to Ignite Joy, Engagement, and Creativity at Work. Harvard Business Review Press.
Duckworth, A. L. (2016). Grit: The Power of Passion and Perseverance. Scribner.
Duckworth, A. L., & Gross, J. J. (2014). Self-control and grit: Related but separable determinants of success. Current Directions in Psychological Science, 23(5), 319–325. https://doi.org/10.1177/0963721414541462
Guillot, A., & Collet, C. (2008). Construction of the motor imagery integrative model in sport: A review and theoretical investigation of motor imagery use. International Review of Sport and Exercise Psychology, 1(1), 31–44. https://doi.org/10.1080/17509840701823139
Pascual-Leone, A., Nguyet, D., Cohen, L. G., Brasil-Neto, J. P., Cammarota, A., & Hallett, M. (1995). Modulation of muscle responses evoked by transcranial magnetic stimulation during the acquisition of new fine motor skills. Journal of Neurophysiology, 74(3), 1037–1045.
Shepard, R. N., & Metzler, J. (1971). Mental rotation of three-dimensional objects. Science, 171(3972), 701–703.
Decety, J., Perani, D., Jeannerod, M., Bettinardi, V., Tadary, B., Woods, R., Mazziotta, J. C., & Fazio, F. (1994). Mapping motor representations with positron emission tomography. Nature, 371(6498), 600–602.
