People frequently wonder why life seems to have passed them by. They painfully question why their goals still seem just out of reach, their deepest dreams still unfulfilled?
In over 30 years of listening to men and women discuss this dilemma, I’ve seen a recurring theme: a lack of consistent focus, sacrifice, and effort.
That sounds harsh. It’s not intended to be. Nor is it a criticism. It’s not that the person is lazy, nor that they lack motivation. Far from it.
What very frequently has happened is that the man or woman sitting across from me has not learned the supreme value of “grit.” That is, the tenacious drive to continue to work toward a goal despite the inevitable setbacks, heartaches, and distractions that always arise.
This quality of tenacious persistence is what we mean by grit. Research shows that the quality of grit is one of the primary factors distinguishing those who succeed at reaching their goals and those who do not. Here is the good news… grit is learned. Grit can be taught, and better yet, it can be self-taught.
But to be honest, although tenacity is essential in order to reach difficult goals in life, it is not enough by itself. Intelligence certainly helps, but in many realms it is far overrated (a study of West Point graduates, for example, shows that grit plus physical ability predicts on-time graduation much better than IQ).
Purpose needs to be yoked to grit for large, difficult-to-achieve dreams to be realized. A sense of pursuing one’s purpose has a galvanizing effect, harnessing tenacity to channel it in meaningful ways.
When purpose is missing, it is easy to become lax and even indifferent to the consistent pursuit of a goal. One way to think of this is to imagine that the quality of grit is a horse. Without a rider (purpose) it wanders aimlessly. Sometimes running, sometimes grazing, and not producing too much.
Put a rider on its back and the power of that horse becomes harnessed to a destination. That’s a powerful combination.
The last component that rounds out an effective combination of traits leading to the fulfillment of dreams is the ability to break down the path to that goal into small steps.
How essential this is becomes apparent when you consider what is required to achieve a variety of life goals. If someone dreams of becoming a doctor, they will have these steps broken down for them. Undergraduate studies are divided by year at the university; each year is divided into semesters; each semester is divided into separate classes; and so forth.
After this, medical school has its own specific steps broken into smaller parts, as do internship and residency.
The takeaway is that, for each of us, it is important to identify the small steps that move us closer to the goals we have set. Simply striving toward the end point without a plan will usually lead us off course, into exhaustion, and frustration.
The conclusion many of my patients reach when feeling this sort of despair is that they simply have not tried hard enough. The truth is, they simply have not attached their goal to a purpose and pursued it with a specific plan.
Conclusion
The pursuit of meaningful goals is one of life’s great satisfactions. Don’t assume that because you’ve not yet reached the goals that are important to you that it is impossible to do so.
Take a step back, consider the purpose behind that goal, devise a plan to pursue your dreams, and move forward with renewed intent to succeed.
