Nearly everyone desires a happy life. Yet a good many people spend most of their time being unhappy. Stuck in jobs they dislike, relationships they resent, holding grudges that weigh them down, and swept up on a life course they never expected.
These folks become unhappier with the passage of each year.
Perhaps you can sympathize. After all, nearly all of us have had times when life was headed in the wrong direction, and happiness was about as easy to find as an honest bio on Bumble.
When going through this sort of glum chapter in life, many people feel at a loss as to how to change course. Confused regarding what steps they can take to wrestle fate away from chance and steer themselves into more fulfilling and happier waters.
The root cause of this confusion can often be traced to their embracing the idea that happiness is found by satisfying one’s most immediate desires.
More money, sex, approval by others, greater personal freedom, a larger home, a nicer car… succeed at fulfilling these longings and the result will be a full and happy life.
These are not unhealthy ambitions (although each can be distorted in such a way as to become destructive). But neither do they lead to lasting happiness when pursued as ends in and of themself.
Something more is needed. Much more.
What is that? A meaningful life. A sense of purpose for your life. When wealth, freedom, influence, and other pleasures are divorced from a greater purpose in life, the happiness they bring is fleeting.
But, when these pleasures are meaningfully attached to a deeper meaning, the happiness becomes what we might call ‘sticky.’
You want sticky happiness. Let’s take a brief look at how this works so you can see why it’s important, and then how to make some changes in your life that will lead you in the right direction.
How You Grow Happiness Makes A Difference
Both pleasurable and meaningful activities can (and frequently do) give rise to happiness.
But happiness derived solely from pleasure has shallow roots. The frustrations and setbacks of each day easily diminish this happiness.
Happiness derived from living a meaningful life has deeper roots. It is not easily changed by momentary ups and downs. Moreover, happiness built from being engaged in a purpose-driven life enhances the chances of succeeding in other areas of life as well.
The ancient Greeks referred to this type of happiness as eudaimonia.
It cannot be built through efforts aimed at the acquisition of worldly objects. Instead, its foundation is built on wisely using one’s gifts and abilities to advance the good. This is path that Socrates proposed
The opposite of eudemonic happiness is hedonistic happiness. There are many forms of hedonism, but no matter the specific form, hedonism attempts to build a happy life by maximizing pleasure and minimizing pain. This path is more consistent with a Cardi B lifestyle.
These are polar opposites. Seeking a meaningful purpose-driven life versus the tenacious search to maximize pleasure.
One brings delayed rewards, one immediate rewards. One is difficult to pursue, the other very straightforward. The first brings deep happiness, the second brings momentary enjoyment.
With the differences so stark between these approaches, why is it that so many people take the hedonistic path (without realizing they are doing so)?
Modern culture certainly encourages the hedonistic approach. It is a ubiquitous force in media, sports, and entertainment. About as subtle as Myle Cyrus on a wrecking ball, and as helpful as Andrew Tate giving a speech on the virtues of abstinence.
There is, however, a bigger problem that steers people toward unintentionally taking the path of hedonism to find happiness. That being the difficulties involved in ‘wisely’ using one’s gifts and abilities.
Fully using one’s abilities very often involves significant pain and a sense of privation, at least in the short term.
Even those born with a wellspring of musical talent, for example, will still need to devote thousands of hours of practice to master his/her craft.
These hours of practice will require discipline, time away from friends, family, and pleasurable activities. The road to excellence is built on the hardscrabble of immediate pleasures that have been sacrificed along the way.
But eventually these efforts result in the full expression of the musician’s innate abilities. The creation of sublime music. In turn, this leads to a sense of deeply rooted happiness.
Shakespeare spoke of the intersection between hard effort, sacrifice, and happiness in King Henry V. Just before the Battle of Agincourt the king addresses a select company of men who very shortly would suffer with him the risks and ravages of war in their effort to repel a much larger force of French soldiers.
We few, we happy few, we band of brothers;
For he to-day that sheds his blood with me
Shall be my brother; be he ne'er so vile,
This day shall gentle his condition;
And gentlemen in England now-a-bed
Shall think themselves accurs'd they were not here,
And hold their manhoods cheap whiles any speaks
That fought with us upon Saint Crispin's day.
Persistent effort directed at achieving a meaningful goal (usually involving the forestalling of immediate pleasures) leads to deeper and longer-lasting happiness than pleasure-directed behavior focused on immediate gratification.
How To Use These Insights To Build A Deeply Rooted Happy Life
Traveling toward a specific destination requires understanding what path you should follow. The journey to a deeply happy life is no different. Below I discuss two simple steps that will get you started. Just keep in mind, the road to a happy life is filled with challenges and setbacks – but so is any path in life. Persist, adapt, move forward, and you’ll reach your destination.
The first step is to become clear about what deeply matters to you. Not what makes you happy in the moment, but what brings you satisfaction or joy over the long run.
Think of those times in your past that you treasure. Those moments that the memory of which still brings you joy, encouragement, or a sense of satisfaction.
These memories will, obviously, be different for each person. Camping trips wherein you taught children how to fish or pitch a tent. Long ago days in college when you met with fellow students and excitedly discussed new ideas. A church-sponsored mission trip to build homes in a third-world country. A summer spent backpacking through Europe. An art class where your creativity was experienced more fully than ever before.
Whatever the memory, it is likely to reflect an important part of what makes you feel deeply happy (eudemonic happiness). That’s why it can still evoke these feelings years later.
Then ask if you have other memories of a similar kind. If the answer is ‘yes’, then it’s very likely you’ve found a path towards deeper happiness.
The second step is to then consider how you can regularly introduce similar activities into your current life.
The person with memories of building homes in Third World countries might sign up for another mission trip. But if the memory was meaningful primarily for having helped others (rather than being engaged in building something) they may also decide to volunteer at the local soup kitchen.
The person whose memories focused on teaching children how to fish and pitch a tent might do well to put a similar effort into teaching his (or her) grandchildren these skills. No grandchildren yet? Then offering free classes at the local Parks and Rec might be the answer.
No matter what memories you discover linked to purpose-driven happiness, the approach is the same. How can you take the elements that make that memory so meaningful (altruism, teaching the next generation, sharing your gift of creativity, etc.) and employ them in your life now?
Conclusion
All happiness is not alike. Some happiness is deeply entrenched whereas other happiness is fleeting. It depends upon the source of the happiness. To become deeply happy it is important to focus on those things that contribute toward living a meaningful purpose-driven life.
Building a life that centers around purpose and meaning can be difficult. It requires sustained effort and sacrifice. But the longer you apply yourself to the task the more it becomes a part of the fabric of life, and with it, a profound sense of wellbeing.
