How Trust Transforms Relationships: Key Insights and Strategies

Have you ever seen a young child, one who has not yet learned to swim, but is being coaxed by a parent to jump into a large pool of water? The child stands on the edge of the pool, the mom or dad in waist-deep water a few feet in front and facing the child. “Come on. You can do it! I’ll catch you, I promise.”

The little tyke squirms with hesitation. Taking a step back, then forward, looking up into the sky as though an answer to this dilemma might be found in the clouds.

After another minute or two more of putting things off, the child jumps and is caught up in the parent’s arms before splashing into the pool. Everyone smiles.

That’s trust. Without trust the little boy or girl would not have made the leap. But having experienced the joy of landing safely in the parent’s arms, the next jump from the poolside is much easier.

What would happen, however, if on the third or fourth jump the parent forgot to catch the child? The little girl or boy would likely panic, thrashing about for a moment before the parent realized his or her error.

Will the child immediately climb out of the pool and trust the parent enough to make another leap into the cool water? Probably not. The trust that had been earned was broken. Now it must be rebuilt.

This same principle applies to life more generally, and specifically to long-term happiness and success in relationships with family members, romantic partners, business associates, friends and others.

If you gain a reputation for being someone who can be trusted, then many doors open to you in life. People are more likely to trust you to become involved in their affairs (as a friend, a romantic partner, etc.). Others will trust you with responsibilities that include taking on jobs, planning vacations, or providing advice.

Over time, these benefits accrue and one’s happiness deepens as a result.

Trust, Happiness and Intimacy: The Research Connection

This link between trust and happiness is supported by common sense and research. For example, a study by Helliwell and Wang (2010) revealed that those who report higher levels of trust in their social relationships also reported higher levels of life satisfaction.1

Conversely, low levels of trust often lead to feelings of isolation, cynicism, and emotional distress—all of which can diminish overall well-being.

Trust is particularly critical in romantic relationships. Gottman and Silver (1999) identified trust as one of the key predictors of long-term marital success.2 Couples who prioritize trust communicate more openly, resolve conflicts more effectively, and experience greater emotional and physical intimacy.

All of this depends on trust being well-placed. It must be earned. If trust is given when it should not be, unpleasant consequences follow.

One of these consequences is seen in the results from a study by Luchies and colleagues. They found that lower trust levels (as seen when trust is misplaced) led to biased memories of a partner’s past transgressions.3

How one views the past makes a tremendous difference in how the present is seen: a negatively biased memory of your partner’s past behavior creates ongoing conflict and unhappiness.

Trust is essential, having the power to transform relationships and cultivate happiness. Building trust should be a priority.

How to Create a Trusting Relationship

Building trust requires effort and consistency. Here are some strategies to cultivate trust in your relationships:

1. Be Reliable and Consistent

Trust is like an iron cable woven through the many facets of a relationship: it strengthens nearly every aspect of the bond you have with others when they know you can be counted upon. Make it a point to follow through on every promise and commitment, no matter how minor it may seem. This consistency showcases your reliability and cultivates a profound sense of security in others.

Research indicates that consistent behavior fosters secure attachments and trust over time (Simpson, 2007).4

2. Communicate Openly

Trust is built on the foundation of honest communication. In romantic relationships, this honesty extends well beyond exchanging words. It requires sharing your innermost thoughts, feelings, and experiences while inviting your partner to do the same. Research by Laurenceau et al. (1998) reveals that engaging in self-disclosure and showing emotional responsiveness significantly enhances both trust and intimacy.5 If you desire a deep connection with the one you love, deeply meaningful communication is essential.

3. Show Empathy

Empathy is the ability to understand and genuinely share in another's feelings. By taking the time to validate your partner's emotions and showing that you truly care, you lay a solid groundwork for mutual respect and understanding. This emotional bond fosters a safe environment where both partners can express themselves without fear of judgment. Studies, such as one by Neff and Pommier (2013), suggest that empathy promotes relational satisfaction and trust by reducing conflict and misunderstanding.6

4. Be Honest

Being straightforward about your intentions, actions, and any potential misunderstandings does two important things: It dispels ambiguity and instills confidence. Openness minimizes the risk of miscommunication and reduces feelings of insecurity. As a result, relationships become easier to navigate (Rotenberg et al. 2005).7

5. Seek and Extend Forgiveness

No one is perfect. Everyone has areas within their life that are broken. We all falter, make mistakes, and, at times, hurt those we love the most. These are the moments when trust is damaged. Take responsibility for your actions, and actively work to rebuild that trust.

The opposite side of this equation is recognizing that those you love will also make mistakes. You will be hurt. Extend forgiveness when others sincerely seek to make amends. According to a study by Worthington et al. (2007), forgiveness can serve as a powerful catalyst for restoring trust and significantly enhancing overall relationship satisfaction.8

Conclusion

The importance of being someone others can trust in is so obvious that it can easily be overlooked. This is a mistake. The strongest bonds between friends, lovers, family, and society more generally are all formed on the foundation of trust.

Happiness is largely found in the quality of relationships someone has built during their life. Trust is essential if a relationship is to thrive; it is a critical element for crafting a happy life.

Put your focus on being someone others can wholeheartedly trust. Likewise, seek out those who you can trust. Succeed at these two goals and enjoy what grows as a result.

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References

1 Helliwell, J. F., & Wang, S. (2010). Trust and well-being. International Journal of Wellbeing, 1(1), 42–78. https://doi.org/10.5502/ijw.v1i1.14

2 Gottman, J., & Silver, N. (1999). The seven principles for making marriage work. Crown Publishers.

3 Luchies, L. B., Wieselquist, J., Rusbult, C. E., Kumashiro, M., Eastwick, P. W., & Coolsen, M. K. (2010). Trust and biased memory of transgressions in romantic relationships. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 98(5), 734–749. https://doi.org/10.1037/a0017621

4 Simpson, J. A. (2007). Psychological foundations of trust. Current Directions in Psychological Science, 16(5), 264–268. https://doi.org/10.1111/j.1467-8721.2007.00517.x

5 Laurenceau, J. P., Barrett, L. F., & Pietromonaco, P. R. (1998). Intimacy as an interpersonal process: The importance of self-disclosure, partner disclosure, and perceived partner responsiveness in interpersonal exchanges. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 74(5), 1238–1251. https://doi.org/10.1037/0022-3514.74.5.1238

6 Neff, K. D., & Pommier, E. (2013). The relationship between self-compassion and other-focused concern among college undergraduates, community adults, and practicing meditators. Self and Identity, 12(2), 160–176. https://doi.org/10.1080/15298868.2011.649546

7 Rotenberg, K. J., Petrocchi, S., Lecciso, F., & Marchetti, A. (2005). Children’s trust beliefs in peers: Links with peer acceptance and peer relationships. Social Development, 14(3), 446–470. https://doi.org/10.1111/j.1467-9507.2005.00310.x

8 Worthington, E. L., Scherer, M., & Cooke, K. L. (2007). Forgiveness in the treatment of persons with substance use disorders. Journal of Clinical Psychology, 63(9), 923–938. https://doi.org/10.1002/jclp.20308